Why the joy of missing out is taking over FOMO

Not so long ago, I was a sufferer of FOMO (which for the non-digitally savvy is ‘Fear of Missing Out’).

‘Fear of missing out’ is a phenomenon brought about, or at least intensified, by the rise of social media. We are constantly watching other people’s lives unfold online and then comparing them to our own. It means that if you can’t make it to a certain event, you also can’t ignore the fact is is taking place or pretend it was not any good without you. The fun you weren’t a part of is all there in glorious high definition computer screen colour.

When I was younger mother, I had an extreme case of FOMO.

I’d get up on a Sunday morning after being woken by my 5-year-old son who had just alerted me to the the fact that the cat had shat on his bed again and meanwhile, my Facebook friend was posting pictures of her entire family just having finished a 10km marathon and sipping a champagne breakfast overlooking the harbour.

I’d be cursing the sky, asking why catshit was my reality, yet Dom Perignon was theirs. My problem of course was not only was I comparing my life with someone else’s, I was also comparing it with a contrived reality that only exists on the internet.

FOMO is a deeply debilitating condition that can only be cured by ageing…. and realising that missing out can actually be excellent.

Enter: JOMO, which stands for the ‘Joy of Missing Out’, which is basically the opposite. It’s the special kind of happiness or contentment that comes from doing the opposite of what it supposed to be fun. Avoiding the boozy night out on the town with your girlfriends by pretending to be sick and instead sitting on the couch in a state of undress, eating Cheetos and watching Netflix.

Since I’ve matured (okay, since I’ve gotten older) I’ve realised that things that once made me jealous, things I once yearned for, places and events I had a serious case of FOMO about – I simply no longer care for. In fact, not only do I not care, it gives me great joy to no longer be involved in such things. JOMO, my friends, is real and quite liberating.

Here are 18 experiences that are supposed to be fun but that I now take great joy in missing out on.

1. Puppies. Now hear me out and don't get wrong, I love dogs, I just no longer get a FOMO when I see people post pictures of their new puppy online. I've been there, had the dog shit in the shoe and the couch destroyed.

2. Drinking the right wine: Once I attended a dinner party where we all had to bring a bottle of red wine that cost no less than $50 AND produce the docket as proof. Wine wankery at its finest. These days, I'm happy to take my chances on a cleanskin and still have a pretty good time.

3. Renovating: See that couple in this picture? They haven't renovated a house together. Because if they had, they'd be sitting at opposite ends of that room, cursing and throwing things at one another. Renovating is something I no longer have FOMO about. No, I quite like my sanity thank you very much.

4. Sex: I used to think EVERYONE was having sex on bench tops, in showers, in the back of their cars, hanging upside down from their ceiling fans, such were the depictions online. Turns out, even if they were, I'm pretty content with the old bed.

5. Wedding Planning: My God. I don't care who you are, planning your wedding changes you into someone you are not. You scour Pinterest boards, you want things JUST so. The FOMO is off the charts. I do not miss this time, in fact, I take great joy from the fact that I will not feel this again. Elope people, ELOPE.

6. Contiki Tours: It seems like everyone has at some stage either been on or planned to be on one of these tours. Taking away the fact that I am now too old to qualify for one, I could think of nothing worse than being sardined into a bus with 40 horny and sweaty 30 somethings and travelling around Europe.

7. Big Nights. Because you know what big nights end up causing don't you? HANGOVERS. And as much as I used to fear not be included in big nights out in case THAT was the night I met the man I was meant to marry, now? Now I'm quite content to miss out and wake up without the pounding head.

8. Step Aerobics: THIS was the shit and only place to be in the early '90s. Despite the fact that I fell off a step and sprained my ankle, I still persevered, that's how much I used to love it. Now I don't even have a casual indifference to it.

9. Babies: NO FOMO. I mean, I've had three kids but the urge was always strong in me, for a long time, to have more. No more my friends, NO MORE. The JOMO is strong in this. I like babies but I've come to relish my freedom and sleep even more.

10. Camping: I watch on all of the social media sites, my friends take off camping. Part of me, for a long while, envied them. But them I got into my bed without sand and frostbite and realised I'm good. I've had my fair share of camping.

11.Music Festivals: I've been watching the online saturation of Coachella this week and not once did I have FOMO. Not even when Madonna kissed (consumed) Drake's face. Sure, once, I had a serious case of FOMO, wishing I could attend every single music festival going but these days, the thought of being crushed watching a band or lining up JUST to pee, does not interest me.

12. Friday Drinks: The pictures on Instagram once haunted me. I didn't work in a place where Friday afternoon work drinks were sacrosanct. I wanted in. Now? It's nice every once in a while but I'm quite content on my couch, under the doona binge watching Netflix thanks.

13. New Years Eve: A couple of years ago I logged onto Facebook to find pictures of my friends watching the ball drop at Times Square on New Year's Eve. Meanwhile, I'd been flat out making it 'til 9pm, lighting stale sparklers and walking across to the park to watch some distant fireworks. New Year's Eve brings out the FOMO in all of us. But over the past couple of years I've had JOMO, Joy of being home and in bed and not trying to hail a cab at 3am.

14. Backpacking: The FOMO is high when ANYONE travels. It's not their fault but when someone backpacks in particular and then plasters those pictures all over social media, you can't help but be envious. Over the last few years though, I'm happy to leave the backpacking to the younger crowd. I want to travel, but have gotten to the point in my life where I don't want to share a bunk bed with a stranger in Prague.

15. G-strings and other uncomfortable underwear: Granny Undies are underrated and if anyone should have FOMO, it's the ladies picking their g-strings out of their arses all of the time

16. Stilettos and other uncomfortable shoes: The posts about shoes number in the hundreds of thousands. We look at them, we covet them. Well I did. I appreciate a cute shoe, don't get me wrong. But all I see now are bunions and back pain and I'm good with my flats

17. Decoupage and other crap craft ideas: Pinterest, I am sure, is the main reason of FOMO. Whole virtual boards of perfection. Perfect homemade craft in perfect sitting rooms in perfect houses. Well guess what? I did care, I used to try and attempt similar projects myself, even attempting a bit of scrapbooking for FOMO. Now, if want something cute for my wall, I head to the shops and get a much better version.

18. Sales: Oh, so much virtual angst when people would show you the amazing 'gets' they got at the Boxing day sales. But really, if waiting in line for 4 hours and being crushed upon entry means I save $30 on a new TV I think I'll just stick with online shopping thanks.

What do you now have JOMO about it that one had you paralysed by FOMO?