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‘I’ve got a problem with the school fundraiser’s theme. Should I boycott?’

The cynic in me hates adult dress-up parties. But the party girl me me loves them. It doesn’t take much for me to raid Vinnies for a satirical outfit, throw on a wig add some crazy shoes and get into character.

But I have my standards in looking stupid. So now I don’t know whether to boycott or battle through the biggest annual event of my entire suburb.

Here’s the problem.

The school fundraiser is always fabulous. Organised by a group of tireless, fabulous volunteers, it’s a huge party for a good cause. We dress up, get down on the dance floor, drink too much cheap champagne and wake up in the morning moaning that we’ve spent hundreds of dollars on a group art work involving badly drawn pirates, stick figure mermaids and handprint fish.

After paying for the babysitter, the auction items and finger food that barely touches the sides, it’s an expensive night, but we feel all high and community-minded, and after getting a good laugh dancing around handbags with other mums and dads we usually just see in suits or beside the netball court.

Over the years, we’ve worn paper masks covered in glitter, bad 80s fishnet stockings and thin ties, hippy freak flares and afro wigs. We have no shame.

But this year the theme is ‘Sportstars and Wags’

Truly.

I can see the fun for the blokes to go out on a Saturday night still dressed in their cricket or footy ware. But WAGS. Are they kidding?

I’m not complaining because most mothers couldn’t possibly find spanx underwear good enough to let us get away with the clothes WAGS almost wear. The plunging necklines, the split to the crutch legs are definitely a problem. But not the problem.

Read more: Why we strive to be ‘hot’ – but don’t want to be judged by our looks.

The problem is, well, where do I start?

Feminism 101, ladies.

WAGS (for those lucky enough not to know) are Wives And Girlfriends. They are groomed, gorgeous and show a lot of skin. They are famous for being accessories to men who play sport. They often make a living from this profession. Some, like Victoria Beckham, have built a life around it (and yes, we know her label is a success in it’s own right).

Take a look at some of Australia’s most ‘famous’ wags:

Kyly and Michael Clarke.

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Kyly Clarke on holiday.
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Kyly Clarke on holiday.

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Rebecca Judd, wife of former AFL player, Chris Judd.
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Rebecca Judd, wife of former AFL player, Chris Judd.

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Former NRL player, Braith Anasta with wife and daughter, Jodi and Aleeia.
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Former NRL player, Braith Anasta with wife and daughter, Jodi and Aleeia.

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Actress and model, Jodi Anasta
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Actress and model, Jodi Anasta

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NRL Titans player, Nate Myles, and his wife, Tessa James.
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NRL Titans player, Nate Myles, and his wife, Tessa James.

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Former NRL Roosters player, Anthony Minichello, and his wife, Terry Biviano.
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Former NRL Roosters player, Anthony Minichello, and his wife, Terry Biviano.

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Terry Biviano.
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Terry Biviano.

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Model, Jesinta Campbell.
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Model, Jesinta Campbell.

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AFL Sydney Swan's player, Lance 'Buddy' Franklin and fiance, Jesinta Campbell.
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AFL Sydney Swan's player, Lance 'Buddy' Franklin and fiance, Jesinta Campbell.

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NRL Cowboy's player, Justin O' Neill and partner, Chantelle Raleigh.
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NRL Cowboy's player, Justin O' Neill and partner, Chantelle Raleigh.

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Chanelle Raleigh.
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Chanelle Raleigh.

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Cricketer, Shane Watson and his wife, Lee.
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Cricketer, Shane Watson and his wife, Lee.

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It says a lot about Australia that it’s often our sportsmen who can score the most beautiful women who like a fancy existence. Obviously it’s what interests them. But it’s not what I want to show my daughter or son as an ideal aim in life.

Am I being a no-fun feminist frump? Oh dear, the committee ladies will say, those hard core femi-nazis just can’t take a joke! Lighten up, ladies. Yes, I could put the bloke in a fake muscle suit and I could wear fake lips and we could both wear fake bright white teeth. We could mock the whole concept.

But I just can’t.

Read more: Three generations talk about ‘fun’. So why aren’t we smiling?

As someone who volunteers a lot for the school, I hate it when parents complain. I always feel like saying “well you do it then”. So I don’t want to complain. But this one just takes the cake. Except WAGS can’t eat cake.

I’m sure WAGS are Weally Adorable Gals. I’m sure the night will be a lot of fun. But I just can’t condone the celebration of celebrity handbags. And I know this sounds weird, but I also don’t want to mock and malign them by dressing up like Elizabeth Hurley.

In boycotting WAG-dom, I could be wagging the dog, making something of secondary importance into something of primary importance.

Here the primary importance is the school. Smart boards. iPads. A better playground. Perhaps I should just pad my bra and botox up for the cause. I could be too PC for this P and C.

But I don’t think so.

Read more: The numbers are in: Why every school should be a great school.

Perhaps we’ll have a side fundraiser. We hard-boilers can dress up as our favourite feminist. There could be lace long white Virginia Woolf dresses, or Germaine Greer in her 70s dresses and boots. I could suit up as Andrea Dworkin and we could crash the other party.

What to do?

*** In news to hand, the P and C have realised some of us hard-core feminists were troubled so they’ve added a theme – Sports Stars and HABs. Husbands and Boyfriends.

Does it make it all OK?

Here are the comments
  • Melbmum

    You could always go as Kim Clijsters and Llyeton Hewitt. Win/Win…. It would make a point at the same time without you having to say anything. Any sporting duo would do. That way you get your protest in and make a point but still get to enjoy the party with sneakers on!!!

  • http://philosophyminors.blogspot.com.au/ Philosophical

    If the theme really is “Sportstars and WAGs” (rather that “SportsMEN and WAGs”) I think the big issue is that you’ve assumed that the Sportstars need to be men! There are plenty of women who deserve the title of Sportstar.

    The “WAGs” bit gives the option for mums to dress up in their finest for the night (as we all know often it is a rare chance for parents).

    PS I’ve just seen your edit. My ex would totally rather dress as a HAB than in sports gear. As for me, sportstar all the way.

    • Melbmum

      I challenge you that it is not that she thought that the sports stars are male but the WAGS are wives and girlfriends (the female role). If it was sportstars and partners or sportstars and HABS then it would be different but the WAGS is the real issue here!

  • Xena70

    I agree with you completely and could not support this. If I was forced to be involved, I would probably do what others have suggested and go as a Matilda or a Diamond.
    As far as the organising committee goes – you could go for middle ground on this with a small adjustment “Sports-stars and WAGS/HABS”. The night still goes ahead, very little needs to be changed, it isn’t the sexist rubbish it is currently and you haven’t been “that” annoying parent you mentioned yourself.

  • Nanna Sally Nelson

    Hi Sarah, while i do agree that WAG’s are rather overdone in the media, I really think you are taking this too seriously.
    Why not go as the Sportstar (your husbands hero perhaps) and let Him be the WAG?
    You said previous years you have just trashed the concept, by getting wigs etc – take this the same way and just have fun.
    Of course, you could go as the Paparazzi!!!

    • meg

      Yeah go as one of the Matildas or one of the Australian ashes winners from the female cricket team. Nothing says sport star is just male.

      • CF

        Hi Sarah, I think that it is a shame you are considering boycotting your school’s fundraiser. Like you, I spend a lot of time volunteering at my local school. I know that the parents on our p&c run themselves ragged juggling family, work and volunteering. These people need our support, particularly when it is increasingly difficult to find volunteers. I suspect that the organisers of the fundraiser are proud feminists themselves. They are probably planning on going as the sports stars and are looking forward to an evening of dancing in their sneakers! I hope you decide to go and that you bid on another piece of gorgeous class art. As you said yourself, the primary importance is the school, so get yourself down to Vinnies and have some fun!