I have never had a proper orgasm during sex despite having had three sexual partners in my life and being married for 12 years.
I kept assuming it would eventually happen, magically, spontaneously. First one boyfriend, and nothing, then the second boyfriend, then nothing and then my boyfriend who became my husband…surely he’d get me there.
No. Nothing.
Watch the iconic scene from When Harry Met Sally below. Post continues after video.
That’s part of the problem, I think. I keep waiting for my sexual partners to figure out how to bring me to orgasm. I’m a Sex Sexist. I take no responsibility for my own orgasm during sex, expecting that if the men I am with are any good at it, they’ll do all the work for me.
I’m starting to realise that’s not exactly how it works. Or does it? Are there men who know how to bring any woman to orgasm, even if those women have never learned how and are too shy to ask for help?
My first boyfriend valiantly tried. I was 19 and he was older. He had a lot of experience and he was incredibly frustrated that it wasn’t happening for me. It was the year that movie Don Juan DeMarco starring Johnny Depp as the sexually adept yet troubled expert lover. It was 1995. My boyfriend and I watched the movie together and walked out hand-in-hand and then he said, “He makes it look so easy.”
I knew exactly what he was referring too and that night we really, really tried. It just didn’t happened.
I enjoyed sex. I still do. I just can’t get there. I get close to there, very near to there, almost there, but not bloody there.
On my own it’s no problem at all. I’m there in 60 seconds if I want. Is that part of the problem? Am I such an expert masturbater that I’ve prevented myself from mastering the subtleties of the sex orgasm? Is that it?
Is it all my fault?
My second boyfriend was very upset that I wasn’t able to orgasm during sex and our relationship wasn’t as comfortable as my first so we never really discussed it. I just knew that he held it against me that I wasn’t getting out of our sexual relationship what he was. So one day I faked it, badly. He didn’t seem convinced but didn’t question me too much. We broke up shortly after.
Click through the gallery below for famous orgasm scenes in films. Post continues after gallery.
The on-screen orgasms that got us talking.
American Pie
Jason Biggs wasn't the only one getting the orgasm action.
Mad Men
Betty finds a whole new use for her washing machine.
Pleasantville
Buttoned-up Betty Parker finally learns the power of a good bath. (And a solo one at that...)
Black Swan
Even ballet stars need some me time.
The Ugly Truth
Note to self: if you're going to wear vibrating undies to dinner, make sure you hold on to the remote control.
Sex and the City
(Image via HBO.)
Sex and the City
Charlotte's Rabbit habit got so bad there was an intervention.
Bruce Almighty
Jennifer Aniston experiencing some, ah, "spiritual" stimulation.
Reign
Masturbation knows no historical bounds.
Friends With Benefits
The 'benefits' here are obvious.
When Harry Met Sally
The most iconic orgasm scene of them all.
DEBRIEF DAILY