My son’s best friend’s mum hates me, and the feeling is now mutual.

My son’s best friend is leaving their school and he is distraught.

It’s a hard lesson for him to learn, that people he loves will come and go from his life. They haven’t always been best friends. It’s really this year they’ve bonded and it’s been lovely to watch how close they’ve become.

I’d been meaning to organise a play date for them but became busy and kept forgetting. Now that his friend is leaving the school I started thinking of contacting his mum to organise something. They aren’t moving out of the area, just changing schools, so I felt confident that my son would still be able to keep in contact with his friend.

Yesterday my son came home looking miserable, so I asked him why he was upset. He explained his best friend is having a farewell party and he’s not invited. I was shocked. He told me that everyone in their group is invited except for him. I asked him if he got an explanation and my son seemed reluctant to share the reason with me.

He eventually told me that the reason he isn’t invited to his best friend’s farewell is because his mum doesn’t like me.

Gosh, even now that I’m 40-something it still hurts when you find out that someone you thought you got along with quite well doesn’t like you. It’s even more disconcerting to realise all those times we’ve greeted each other and chatted she’s secretly hated me the entire time.

How insincere.

Our history is complicated. I used to be on a school committee with quite a few strong personalities who would regularly yell at me if I suggested something they didn’t like. They wouldn’t call it yelling, they’d just call it raising their voices. Despite my best efforts on the committee I eventually left, thinking it best to leave them to it. I knew my son’s best friend’s mum was friends with all the yellers, however she and I have always gotten along as far as I was concerned, so I just accepted she liked me and that was that.

Now I know she’s a faker. She’s a complete, insincere fraud. Worse still, she’s a terrible mother. Who would tell their child something like that? Who would be crappy enough to tell their son that they didn’t like their friend’s mum, so their best friend wasn’t welcome at their farewell? What sort of a message does that send him?

Watch the scene from Mean Girls below. Post continues after video.

We are meant to be grown ups. Couldn’t she put aside her hatred of me for the sake of her son and his friendship with my son? to help him move on from the friendships at his school in a healthy way? Instead she dislikes me so much she’d rather deprive him of the opportunity to say goodbye to his friend rather than have to talk to me.

So she hates me does she? Well then, let me assure her, the feeling is now mutual. Now not only do I not like her, I don’t respect her. I’m also unwilling to fake friendship with her any longer. I won’t be smiling at her or greeting her anymore. What a sap I have been.

How did I not know how she felt? And why does she not like me so much? What have I ever done to her?

My son was worried about hurting my feelings by telling me and I assured him that I was fine, that maybe it was a misunderstanding and that we’d write out a special Christmas card for his friend to give him before he left. I explained that sometimes grown ups don’t get along and while I didn’t know his friend’s mum well, I’m sure we just need to get to know each other.

“Couldn’t she put aside her hatred of me for the sake of her son and his friendship with my son?”

Simply put, she’s a mean girl. Now I know how she really feels about me – and gosh she is good at pretending to like me because I never once suspected, I thought she was one of the good ones – I can just imagine the bitchy conversations she’s had with her real friends every time I naively greeted her and shared a joke with her.

I suppose the joke is on me.

You’re not always going to gel with the parents of your children’s friends but I always assumed that most parents would put their children first and make an effort for their sake. I suppose not.

I’m sad for my son who is upset to be losing his friend but at the same time I am relieved they are leaving. I plan to tread a little more carefully going forward.

Just because people are parents, doesn’t mean they are good people.

Here are the comments

Maxine

I have one daughter at Uni and one at HSC level. I am a single working mum and I believe I have always pulled well above my weight with parties, pick ups, drop offs and sport transport. The school bully mums made my life hell until I just decided to ignore them completely and just smile and wave, looking busy. They are cliquey and quite frankly mean girls who need to get something to do with their lives beside coffee and shopping. They presided over the collapse of my marriage by fawningly including my not working then husband in their daytime social and sporting activities (hello affair) , all the time keeping me in the dark . I couldn’t do anything right, from my clothes at drop off ( work suit high heels etc) , to the cakes I sent to Cake Day (try-hard apparently) , to the clothes I wore to reading groups ( too fancy- because I came straight from work), to the fact I couldn’t attend coffee mornings and coffee afternoons and early afternoon drinks. When the only other working mum and I suggested a dinner so we could socialise with the others, it was planned at 6pm on the Upper Northern Beaches – not so easy from the City where our offices are! The final straw came when a number of these mums asked me to drop their kids home from sport on Friday night so they could all go away on the hen’s weekend for their member who was marrying my exhusband. I sobbed, and took them home.
Why do women act like this in packs- what’s wrong with a smile and a welcome to everyone in the school. Take comfort from the fact that you don’t have to see them ever again when your kids leave school, except the ones that you have really found to be true friends. I feel your pain, we are never too old to be hurt. Have a happy Christmas with your son, and next year he will find another friend.
- elle
  
  Goodness me! Sounds like the adult version of Mean Girls…. Deplorable behaviour by these women.
Mav Minnis

. You are giving away far too much of your power. ……..concentrate on making sure your son is OK and mentally thank ” mean mummy ” for helping you to to learn some useful lessons . Be an actor not a reactor.
- Mandy
  
  Interesting perspective and kind of what I was thinking as well. She really needs to confront this woman frankly and honestly after her anger has abated. If everything is as bad as it is, at least she will be taking that power back by being the mature and honest one but I was also thinking that it would be a chance to clear up any misunderstanding. Maybe something has got lost in translation. In my experience, you kind of know if someone doesn’t like you and Cinthia seemed pretty shocked and surprised that the other mother felt this way. We don’t know how old the kids are but kids can be weird with their strange little agendas! I know mine have lied and jumped to funny conclusions before. As in even hidden invites (this is an eight year old) and told me he wasn’t invited to a party he was invited to.
chriswalk

Good riddance to bad rubbish, what kind of mother puts her own feelings before her own child, a selfish and insincere coward, that’s who. If she continues this way her son will eventually wise up to the fact that he is free to chose his own friends, and resent her for her actions, she will be the loser in the end.
IMO

I’m disgusted, but not surprised. My kids are now 15 and 17. You can’t get all the way through your kids schooling and be surprised when you hear stories like this. I have experienced similar things. The “in” Mums who rule the committees. Bossy control freaks. The cliquey groups who make themselves feel special by deliberately excluding others. The fakers. The pettiness and bullying. The school playground remains the same whether you are a kid or school mother. I loathed the politics and immaturity of it all. The “best friends” mother is a gutless fake with no integrity and absolutely deserving of no respect. In some ways, worse than an outright bitch because she is basically lying about how she feels and has betrayed your trust. Not only that, but a good parent puts their kid and their feelings first. No way would they punish an innocent kid (their own and yours) by putting their own feelings first. A party is a couple of hours, and you wouldn’t be there most of the time- just for the pick up. So she can fake liking you all this time but can’t fake for the final 5 or 10 minutes of the relationship? She’d rather make a big deal of it and involve (and upset) both boys in her petty drama? She’s selfish and profoundly immature. Every cloud has a silver lining- at least you don’t have to keep interacting with her. Bye lady! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!