Kate Middleton is not a role model for our daughters.

‘This is why Kate Middleton is no role model for my daughter.’

It seems Kate mania is upon us. Every woman I know is beside herself about the Duchess of Cambridge – what she wears, what her son and daughter wears, where she goes. These are some of the things I hear women say about Kate every day:

“She’s so normal.”

“She’s so classy.”

“She’s such a good mum.”

“I just want to be her friend.”

“She seems so nice.”

“She’s just like me.”

kate middleton not a role model — Kate Middleton and Prince William.

I have nothing against Kate. I am sure that she is nice, that she is a good wife, a good daughter, a good person, and of course, a great mother. But I do have a problem with her being held up as an ideal of exemplary womanhood, a wonderful role model for our daughters, an antidote to the Kim Kardashians of the world.

Because this outpouring of adoration is for a woman whose job description is basically:

“Be pretty.”

“Be thin.”

“Have some babies.”

“Don’t rock the boat.”

A photo posted by Kensington Palace () on Nov 13, 2015 at 7:27am PST

History is littered with cautionary tales of women who did not follow the above script. One word in particular springs to mind: Fergie.

I know, I know, the royals have learned so many lessons since the Diana-Fergie days. Kate and Wills, the story goes, are a love match. I’m sure they are, but it was a love match for which a woman had to to sacrifice her freedom, her youth, her independence and, many would argue, her personality. To marry the man of her dreams, she had to change who she was, give up her privacy, paid employment, ensure her 20s were entirely scandal-free and lose half her body weight. This is not something I would wish for my daughter.

By all accounts, it wasn’t something Kate was certain she wanted either. Despite the patronising ‘Waity Katie’ tag she earned from the British tabloids, royal experts have always said that Kate and William both wanted to be certain that this was a challenge Kate was ready for, and that by the time the carefully orchestrated engagement was announced, after eight years in the glare of the world, Kate had been fully prepped, trained and given many chances to back out. How very fairytale. This princess business is so romantic.

Kate is absolutely brilliant at being royal. She makes it look so easy. She is fantastic at making small talk with dignitaries from a zillion charities from a thousand countries around the world. She is excellent at smiling at the ‘real’ people, shaking hands and posing for selfies. She has perfected being just accessible enough for people to like her but never actually saying anything or giving anything away. She could have been born to it. But she wasn’t, she had to learn how to do all that and she was committed enough to that job to give it her all.

Click through the gallery of the Duchess below. Post continues after gallery.

Kate Middleton gallery.

Kate Middleton.

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But that’s what it is: it’s a PR exercise and a professional veneer. She and her hubby were charged with salvaging the British royals from lurching from one PR disaster to another and they’ve pulled it off, because the royal fantasy is as tantalising as ever. Maybe more so.

And that’s why Duchess Kate is dangerous for our daughters. She has revived the idea that women being defined by who they marry is a positive life choice. Let’s remember that in her unimaginably privileged life – where she has to do nothing for herself if she doesn’t choose to – every designer dress, every luxury hair treatment, every palace and mansion and expensive baby buggy has been paid for by people with ‘normal’ jobs.

So I’m sorry people, she’s not just like you. And I don’t want my daughter to be like her.

Kimbo

Kate is doing a great job at so much more than ‘being thin’ etc, why shouldn’t our daughters strive to be a wonderful person, a caring mother and wife, work with people all over the world and do some amazing charity work. She is making her life work in a very commendable way – maybe you should look deeper!!
Leah

I’m too young to remember what went on with Fergie. But I’m certainly old enough to remember the days of ‘Waity Katie’. The Queen stalled on William’s engagement not because Kate was not pretty or thin enough – but (at least partially) because she didn’t have a job. The Queen was not interested in William marrying a girl who was just hanging out to be a pretty princess (or duchess, as the case may be). She wanted William’s future wife to have had some life experience, be self-directed and exhibit some initiative. I know that in that time, they (both the royal family and Kate) put loads of effort into training and prep. But Kate also had to have had something of her own life.

And now, as duchess, aside from being a mother her main job is charity work. This might just be turning up to cut a ribbon, but other times it’s sitting and talking to sick children. Of course she has a very different lifestyle to us – but that is why so many people adore her, because, in spite of having such a different lifestyle, as a person she doesn’t feel so terribly different from us.

And Kate did not sacrifice her youth. She was nearly 30 when she got married! And it really is not that difficult to have a scandal-free 20s. Sure, she has sacrificed some of her freedom. But that’s true for anyone in a job with some level of fame and/or political importance. It’s not a reason to not admire someone. And unless you’re friends with her, you have NO IDEA how much of her personality she gave up or changed.

Really, I think you actually summed up why Kate should be admired: “she had to learn how to do all that and she was committed enough to that job to give it her all.” And ace it. I hope when I have daughters, they show that kind of commitment to their chosen life paths and excel accordingly – whether that be a career, or a stay at home wife and mum (yes, that’s a perfectly valid life choice too).